The Importance of Stuff

One of the most common complaints of those who consider themselves to be spiritually superior is that stuff doesn’t matter. By stuff I’m referring to actual physical possessions that people purchase. These spiritual know-it-alls look down on people who want to own things, telling them such canned phrases like “money can’t buy happiness” and “you can’t take it with you.” But these folks overlook the spiritual value of items, of things that we own. “Materialism” is a word that has been used too liberally of late, and many have been unfairly cast under that column. Regardless, is it so bad to love your possessions?

What a lot of people do not consider is the emotional value that things have. When I moved out of a house and put most of my things into storage and moved into another couple’s home, I didn’t think about giving anything up except my privacy. I had temporarily bought into the idea that things were just things–they held no real importance. But as time started to wear on me, and my private space was growing smaller, I began to long for my sofa, my squashy arm chair, my movies, my books, my everything.

Certainly a person is not defined by the amount of the items they own, and it’s of course true that you can’t take it with you, but until that time when God calls us, stuff matters.

Finally I was able to obtain my own little corner of space and I removed everything from storage. When that rolling door slid up with that cranky clackety sound, I ran inside and hugged my couch, lovingly stroked my armoire, and couldn’t wait to lay hands on my Harry Potters (which I’ve still not done!!! But I know they’re with me in a box.)

It all boils down to identity, to privacy, autonomy. My couch doesn’t define who I am, but it’s where I sit, all alone (wonderfully) and relax. The big and comfy chair is where I can ponder my day and read a book. It’s mine and no one else’s. It’s an independence thing, an atmosphere of Courtney that I can retreat into for needed space and solitude when the days get a little crazy.

Many people miss what our items represent. We love our stuff because we love what it represents: freedom, joy, privacy. Would I save my mac computer over a person? Well…that’s a toughie. I’d certainly save a person over my PC. Because of course people matter more than things. But I like my things too.

He’s just not that into you

Why do women make excuses for men? Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo published a liberating novel titled “He’s Just not That into You” and freed many women from this ridiculous tradition of making excuses for why men weren’t doing this that or the other. I only wish every woman I knew would read this novel, so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time shooting down excuses women make.

But I’m not sure the book addresses why we make the excuses. It’s probably simple: we’re trying to justify why a guy we like isn’t toeing the line so we can perpetuate our false fantasy of happily ever after. That assertion is a sad one, when considering the logic (or ill-logic).

Some very popular excuses for why a guy isn’t calling or asking a girl out include: He’s not looking for a relationship right now, he’s really busy with work, maybe he’s just shy or nervous, he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship.

No, no, no, and no. Let’s flip the situation for a minute.

The past few months have been hellishly stressful: busy with work, busy with the move, dealing with the loss of my beloved sheltie. If the perfect man had come into my life then, would I have turned him down because I was too busy? Because I wasn’t in the mood for a relationship? Nervous? No way Jose.

So why do we make the same excuses for men? And why do we play that game with our girlfriends?

Successful and happy relationships have no excuses. Married women don’t talk about how their spouses were too busy or stressed to date them. They don’t reference some discussion they had with their future spouse about the chances of ruining their friendship if they dated. There are no tales of shyness or nervousness that indefinitely delayed a man asking out a woman.

Intense interest and attraction inspire men and women to do great and brave things for each other. Love stories are about overcoming obstacles, not creating them. If Mr. Right comes into our lives, we make time to see him. We can’t wait to hear his voice, we can’t wait to see his face. Why would he be any different?

It’s time to get off the excuse-making, energy-draining, emotionally-exhausting roller coaster ride of theorizing men’s behavior. Men are refreshingly simple. They want what they want and will stop at nothing to get it. It’s what makes them great leaders: they have one track minds and I’m not just talking about sex. When they see something they want, they pursue it. If they’re busy, they make time. If they’re nervous, they get over it. He turns a friendship into a relationship. Men are competitive, they are urgent. When they want us nothing will stop them from getting us.

Furthermore, why do we want to be with men we have to convince to be with us? It’s like that pathetic new Taylor Swift song: “If you would only see, you belong with me.” Yuck. Everytime I hear it (while flipping channels) I want to scream at her: “He doesn’t like you!” Why do we want to be with men who don’t like us as much as we like them?

Love inspires! A woman should never have to question if a man is interested in her or not. He will go to great lengths to impress her, he will cross oceans to see her, call her whenever he gets the opportunity, smile at her whenever he sees her, compliment her whenever he can, make her feel special and beautiful.

Women need to instill this into our friends and stop going along and playing this game of “Why is he acting like this, and what does it mean?”

Spare her the agony and the emotions and just tell her the truth: He’s just not that into you. And don’t you want to be with someone who is?

Wallpaper Removal

The right way to remove wallpaper from an old apartment is as follows:

1. Make good friends with whom you can commiserate about peeling lurid flowery wallpaper with. It makes the day go by faster.

2. Determine which type of chemical works best: first buy spray bottle with funny blue liquid and spray on walls.

3. Play with cute baby.

4. Realize that waiting longer than 15 minutes for blue liquid to set is not a good idea. Start hacking at the walls with a utility knife and cursing people with bad taste.

5. Change rooms. Magically this will make you feel better.

6. Don’t look at the kitchen which is plastered in wallpaper. Ignorance is your friend.

7. Eat greasy food and revel in the comradely with your fellow wallpaper compatriots.

8. Abandon blue liquid “wallpaper removal spray” and run a Google search on removal practices.

9. Soak hands with one part vinegar and one part water and become suddenly aware that you have tiny breaks of skin on your fingers that are now stinging. Ouch.

10. Apply homemade concotion to wallpaper.

11. Play with cute baby.

12. Realize that Google is a wonderful thing because vinegar and water works better than blue spray.

13. Share delicious sugar cookies with green gooey frosting. This is very important.

14. Resume hacking at wallpaper that is more determined to stick to your walls than [insert clever comparison here].

15. Curse people with bad taste. They ruin it for the rest of us.

16. Thank God for great friends with whom you can laugh with. This makes the vinegar sting and smell less.

17. Make your friends jealous by pealing a long piece of wallpaper off the walls. Revel in the sound of it. Save that piece and frame it later.

18. Bake really good chocolate cookies and waft it throughout the house. Mmmmm…

19. Enlist everyone you know to help you share the joys of home repair. This is a crucial ceremonial bonding experience that must be done.

20. Remember the vision you have of your new home, thank Jesus for a nice place to live, and thank your friends for helping you out. It would’ve been impossible with out them.

And oh yeah, always advise against bad wallpaper.

Birth Control-why not?

“What’s wrong with birth control? Isn’t it a good thing?”

A common question to those of us who cringe internally and/or externally when birth control is mentioned. Wonderfully, there are many people who understand why I shudder when someone is talking about birth control. It isn’t because I have a bad twitch, and it’s not because I’m judgmental.

People have sex. “Sex” is the shortened term for sexual intercourse and sexual reproduction. It was designed to be fun and designed to make babies. When birth control came around, a lot of people separating the fun from the baby-making. By trying to avoid pregnancies, people were trying to avoid raising a child for whatever reason. People believe that using birth control is the right or responsible thing to do.

A lot of doctors also prescribe the pill to regulate women’s menstrual cycles and it’s usually a great success. I have had a few friends who’ve been on the pill for this very reason.

So again we ask, what’s so wrong with birth control?

First let’s examine the premise of birth control. As stated above, sex is for fun and baby-making. Sex is the beautiful union of two people in love (or at least that’s how it should be [yes, I'm being judgmental here]). The pill, the patch, or an IUD (Intro-Unterine Device) tries to hinder that natural process of procreation. A woman’s reproductive system is meant to ovulate. If working properly, the female reproductive system sends an ovum down the fallopian tube, waits to be penetrated by a sperm, then continues down its merry way to the uterus for implantation, where the fertilized egg multiplies and nine months later a cute and chubby little baby comes down the birth canal and into the world. If that ovum never meets the sperm, then women go through what many of us call “the curse,” “that time,” or the week where we always roll our eyes at men.

The reproductive system is working. The pill, patch, or IUD breaks that functioning system.

Analogy time:

Last night your spouse was snoring, and that was really inconvenient to you. You want to sleep tonight. You go to the doctor and say something like this: “My spouse snores. Give me a pill that will make me deaf in both ears, but only temporarily.”

Imagine what your doctor would say. But when you tell your doctor that your reproductive system is working just fine, he or she will recommend you break it temporarily to avoid a pregnancy and be responsible.

Our bodies, while quite durable in many cases, really shouldn’t be messed with. We need to take care of ourselves, eat right, exercise, and not put harsh chemicals or extra hormones into our bodies that alter certain functions.

As for the girls who are given the pill to regulate their cycle, the question should be
why is their cycle irregular?

The female body is designed for pregnancy. While that statement will surely irritate the feminists, it’s true. Women always have a certain percentage of body fat, just in case she can’t get to food when pregnant. Those breasts aren’t there to make us look good in low-cut dresses. Our wide hips aren’t there to irritate us. We don’t have nine times the pain threshold of men just because we’re awesome. A woman’s ability to multi-task is not for reading a book, watching tv, and texting a friend just for the heck of it. So when something is wrong with our bodies, one of the first things the body will do is throw out the system, making it difficult to become pregnant. If we are not healthy enough to take care of ourselves, then we are not healthy enough to have babies. Our bodies are trying to preserve our babies lives before our own. When the menstrual cycle is off, there is a problem in the body’s system. The solution is not to prescribe a pill that further breaks that system, but to get to the root of the issue: why is it irregular?

“But the pill regulates the cycle. So it’s fixing the problem.”

Taking your car to the shop because the engine is making a funny noise, the mechanic comes back and says “I’ve turned up the volume in your radio and put sawdust in the engine to deafen the noise. That should take care of the engine’s weird sound.” Would you drive away happy? Wouldn’t it be better to find out why there was a weird sound in the first place, and what’s wrong with the engine? The whirring sound is a symptom of a problem. The problem needs addressing, not the symptom.

“But doesn’t the pill prevent unwanted pregnancies and thus abortions?”

Aha, another common question. The short version answer: no.

The long version: the pill, patch, or IUD doesn’t always work as it’s advertised (read more here). The pill and patch theoretically are supposed to prevent ovulation. If it doesn’t do that, the pill and patch are supposed to stop the ovum from traveling down the fallopian tube to meet the sperm. If it doesn’t do that, the pill or patch irritates the lining of the uterus and prevents the fertilized egg from implanting. Uh oh. Now it’s an abortifacient. FYI: an IUD always irritates the lining of the uterus.

As we know, a lot of times the pill doesn’t work at all and a pregnancy occurs. Now what?

The biggest argument of Planned Parenthood and all people who are pro-abortion is this: we need to make birth control more available to decrease the number of abortions. Well, if there’s nothing wrong with abortion, why do we need to decrease it? (that’s an answer for another blog post) But more importantly for this post, isn’t birth control easy to get now? It’s easier for a junior high or high schooler to get a condom than an aspirin.

Birth control creates a false sense of security, and increases promiscuity. The reason it creates this false sense of security is very simple. “Birth control” as a name implies that it will control births. Duh. Also, the vast majority of the population believes that birth control is responsible, and if you tried to be responsible, why should you have to carry on with a pregnancy you tried to prevent? See where I’m going with this?

The result is what’s happening right now: if you take birth control when sexually active, you’re being “responsible” by trying to prevent an unintended pregnancy. If a pregnancy occurs, even though you tried preventing it, it is within a woman’s right to terminate that pregnancy. The woman’s intention was to prevent a pregnancy, which for her current living circumstance may have been a good intention.

But…sex isn’t just designed for fun.

True responsibility is owning up to your choices. Sadly, a lot of women feel justified in going through with an abortion, because they never intended to get pregnant; it wasn’t their “choice.”

Analogy time:

If you knew that there was a 1/50 chance that you would be electrocuted by turning on the wall light switch, would you flip the switch?

Think about this: infertility, uterine and ovarian cancer, breast cancer are all on the rise. The cancer association, many doctors, the companies who make the birth control pills, and Planned Parenthood will all assure you that the birth control you are using will not cause any of those diseases. Then again, cigarettes won’t necessarily cause cancer either…

“So if you’re against birth control, what is a woman to do if she doesn’t want to have a baby?”

Well, you’re not going to like my short answer this time either: don’t have sex. Yep, that’s the simplest and 100% guaranteed way to avoid a pregnancy.

“But people are going to have sex.”

Yes they are. And hopefully they know that babies come from sexual reproduction. There is a way to learn about the reproductive cycle and work with it, not against it. A woman is only fertile a few days out of her cycle, not all the time. If you know your body and don’t want to have a baby right now, you avoid sex during fertile days. It’s something called NFP: Natural Family Planning, and Catholics have been at it for a while. Protestants who are learning about the dangers of birth control, are also getting into NFP. You can learn more about it through the Couple to Couple League.

“If NFP is so great, why doesn’t everyone know about it?”

Easy: there’s no money in it. When in doubt, always follow the money.

The pill, patch, IUD, and condoms are packaged and sold. They turn a profit. Because people will always have sex for fun, there’s a great business to be made. Just think about it.

Our culture, society, and our medical institutions have all said that birth control is good. Therefore a lot of good people use birth control and don’t second guess it. Heck, a lot of my friends and people I know are probably either on birth control, or have used it. Most people are uncomfortable when discussing the dangers of birth control because they don’t want to offend their friends and family. They avoid the conversation.

I want my friends and family to know about birth control, to give it a second look from a different perspective.

I cringe because I care.

Stress Max

You ever been so stressed, your mind so boggled with thoughts, worries, and questions that you feel like your head is going to explode? It’s a land called Stressed Max, and it’s coming to a theater near me. Ever since I got my nutrition on track I haven’t had headaches. Now I have them constantly, and I know it’s because my brain is freaking out. Okay, not just my brain, I’m freaking out.

Stressed Max has taken me hostage on its little island of joy. I thought with my living situation sort of under control, the stress would go away, but it hasn’t. I keep reminding myself that everything will be okay, that God has a plan in all of this, and that if I follow the breadcrumbs that He’s left me, all will be cheery.

I am Jane’s head-pounding worry.

The thing is, I’ve got so much on my mind I’m having difficulty focusing on the work that I need to do to sustain my life. What I want to do is crawl under a bed and wait for everything to get better, hoping that the happiness fairy will wave her wand and make everything smiley faces and flowery. But I don’t think that would be a great plan. The waiting, I mean. I like the happiness fairy idea.

Clearly I have enough focus to whine in my blog, but the creative graphic design juices aren’t flowing. The calm serenity needed to connect with people is a little bit not there. And I need both the creative juices with their multicolor swirls and animal shaped ice cubes, and the serenity now calmness that is so typical of my demeanor (sarcasm) to come back to me.

One thing I have noticed is how stress demands me to write. Hmmm… perhaps that’s where I need to go. But I still have two businesses to run and a ministry to work on. If only I could freeze time until I get all my ducks in a row. I’ll add that under the good ideas column with the happiness fairy.

In Thanks

What a week it has been! There are just times when I can’t believe how may blessings Jesus has given me, and this week was one of them. I have such an amazing family and group of friends, I really can’t ask for more. I have been so grateful to have my parents up here with me, the timing couldn’t be more perfect. They have been here to help me through a really tough time, and they continue to love and support me (yes I know that’s their job, but not all parents are created equally!) and always make me feel welcome in their home. It probably helps that I lived there before they did…hmmm…

On Thursday I went to the University of Washington for GAP, which graphically exposed the injustice of abortion to college students of Seattle. I had a great time. I was waiting a little while for the action to start, because I was rearing to go and get debating, and I got it! The morning was a little quiet, but once lunch time hit, the students were there to talk. It’s amazing how people can try to justify something so horrible, but they’re never able to defend abortion itself. I asked each student I encountered this question: “Of all the years I’ve been fighting abortion, I’ve never once heard anyone able to defend it. So please, I would love for you to explain it to me. How can you look at a photo of an aborted baby and say it’s okay? How is abortion a good thing?” Every student said it was a bad thing, but that it should still be available to people. Uh…hello? It came down to this: people admitted that it was a human baby, but they couldn’t say it was a “person” because they’re not sure if it has cognitive thought. Wow, that’s a gamble! We don’t know if it can think or not, so it’s okay to kill it. NICE! Who care’s that it’s a human being.

I met a lot of great pro-lifers that day, and shook hands with a few pro-choicers that I debated (there were a few who were quite civil). I will go back to do it again, for sure. If I could go on tour with GAP, I’d do it in a heart beat. There is no greater injustice than abortion, and I want and need to fight alongside other warriors to help end it.

This morning was the two week anniversary of my Slimplicity® diet. I’ve lost a total of three pounds. That’s pretty freaking good for vanity pounds, and only in two weeks! It hasn’t been hard at all, in fact it’s never been easier. I’m just not as hungry. I’m looking forward to those size six pants!

Then today I met up for lunch with my friend Heather, who I’ve known since college. I had a great time with her and wish she lived closer! It’s amazing how small this world is and how God brings people together. Heather and I drifted apart after college (as happens) and then found that we’d both moved to the Seattle area. Amazing.

It’s been an awesome week of meeting with friends, sharing the truth, and hard work. Thank  you Lord, you’ve blessed me so much!

Triumphs

Saturday was weigh in day, and to my modest delight I lost one pound over the week. Now, some may say that’s not very much, but my body has been quite comfortable at my current and healthy weight. These are vanity pounds that I’m trying to lose, so it’ll be an uphill battle. My goal is to trim down and tone up. The appetite suppressant pills work REALLY well so I anticipate it’ll be a successful venture. The only hard thing is scheduling meals.

In other triumphant news, I took my mom out for a trail ride yesterday. I say that I took her because Dante and I are trail veterans, and her and Whitney are brand new to the whole trail thing. My mom’s been trail riding before, but not on this horse. Dante got to be the babysitter, a position I actually think he liked. He allowed Whitney to crowd him. She had her nose on his tail pretty much the whole way, and he never kicked out or showed any sign of annoyance. This from the horse I’d have to tie a red ribbon to his tail for a hunt (red means he’ll kick, so back off!) We were out for a few hours, which was great for Whitney. She got to do a lot of things, smell new scents, go up and down hills, and hear some weird stuff. And Dante got to be the grown up.

We’ll definitely do it again. Today is for working though, so maybe later during the week.

Random Dream

Just saw a Facebook ad for a poll about Gerard Butler. This reminded me that I had a dream last night and Gerard Butler was in it. Which is weird, because I haven’t seen any movies with him recently. In fact, I’ve only ever seen two of his movies at all: 300 and Dear Frankie. I don’t even remember what Gerard was doing in the dream. I think he may have asked me out…and I may or may not have said yes. I don’t remember. No hanky panky in this dream, I’d remember that. But I had a very clear view of his face and accent. But why Gerard? I mean, okay, he’s handsome and all, but I’ve never been a fan.

What does this mean, I wonder. What would the dream oracles have to say about this? I really can’t understand what this would mean, but I guess that’s the nature of dreams.

Weigh in Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the week anniversary of my new Reliv Slimplicity® diet. I’ll admit I’m a little nervous about the weigh in. This week has been a little tough to keep up on the diet, as my schedule seems to change all the time. The plan is to eat six small meals, taking two capsules which help block bad fats and curb appetite, one hour before eating, and to supplement a meal or snack with a vanilla shake. These capsules are to be taken three times a day. Remembering to take them, then waiting an hour to eat, takes practice. So week one will be a rough draft.

I’m hoping it’ll go well. My vanity is really starting to take hold of me, and I’m dreaming of going to the 6 rack for new pants, as all the 8s I have now will be too large. But this will take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

This past week I did have a very large, greasy, and tasty burger. With Dubliner cheese melted on top. Last night, starving after Bible study, I had a quesadilla with that same EVIL Dubliner cheese and ham. So good. But other than those two pit falls, I’ve been well below the 2000 calorie a day allotment. Fingers crossed for tomorrow morning.

Vanity weight loss

Strangely enough, eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted wasn’t getting me down into a size six pair of sexy blue jeans. Weird.

Though cookies, brownies (and brownie batter if I’m being honest) are incredibly delicious, neither fall under the category of “health food.” It’s a real pity, but nothing can be done about it.

On Saturday I started a real diet with a plan to be down to a size six by December. This is not an impossible goal, as right now I’m currently a size 8. So it’ll only be one size down, which is very doable. I’m blogging to stay accountable, to keep me from indulging in brownie batter…as I write this there’s a Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie commercial, appropriately followed by a Jenny Craig ad. If there’s a person in charge of commercial play order, he has a sense of humor.

Anyway. Size six by December. I took my weight over the weekend and it chimed in at 146. I’m 5′7″ so that’s a healthy weight. I probably won’t lose too many pounds, but inches. In high school when I ran track as a sprinter, I was 135.

But Courtney, you’re not fat. There’s no need to lose weight. You’re succumbing to society’s idea of beauty! It’s what’s on the inside that counts!

Nope, nope, nope, okay I’ll give you the last one, but having a great personality doesn’t make you look hot in a leather skirt. And I want to look hot. Want to turn heads, want to go to shopping with a sense of joy not dread. Wouldn’t it be fun to go shopping?

How am I going to do it? A few things, but I’ll be getting a lot of help from Slimplicity® which is already showing a lot of promise. Cross training is also important, so yesterday I went for a walk, and today I biked (though I don’t know how far as I forgot to turn on the GPS, even though I brought it with me).

Accountability is a good thing. So are brownies, but must learn to say no. Will be checking in a few days with my progress.